What the Heck Do They DO All Day?
by Mortal Anonymous
Summary: When the agents are out, just what goes on around HQ? Well today, Monogram's frisky, and it looks like a good day to be Carl. Carl/Monogram lemon alert. 'Tis implied that this happens a lot.


**Disclaimer: FYI, this is not pedophelia. -_-' Carl is in college, and since he's a teenager, is therefore either 18 or 19. So this falls in the cub/shotacon/May-December romance area.**

The transmission screen turned to static and then blacked out as Major Monogram finished giving his address to Agent P. He lowered his arm from its salute and turned his attention to Carl, who was in the background, coiling up the freshly unplugged camera cord for storage.

Monogram cleared his throat.

"Well, Carl," he said conversationally, "That was the last assignment for the day…all of our field agents are, officially out on missions…"

"..Yes sir?" Carl said hopefully, his grip tightening on the cord he held.

Monogram walked over from his broadcasting chair and placed an arm around Carl's shoulders.

"Yup," he replied, "And, it…just so happens that I'm feelin' a little 'frisky' today…"

Carl giggled giddily, dropping the coiled cord as his hands went to his cheeks. "Why sir, would you be suggesting..?"

"You know I am." answered Monogram, his eyebrow kinked in a sultry manner. He wrapped his arms around Carl and lunged forward slightly, dipping the intern and drawing another giggle from him.

"What about your wife, sir?" Carl asked playfully, not a sign of worry in his voice.

"Jeez, Carl, I've mentioned her all of what, twice in this whole series?" huffed Monogram, rolling his eyes, "You know she was before I met you. Now shut up and kiss me already."

"Mmm, yes _sir_..!" meowed Carl, and he threw his arms around Monogram's neck, initiating one heck of a passionate kiss. Carl pressed as close as he could to Monogram, rubbing against him and moaning with pleasure. Monogram clutched Carl to him as well, one hand on the back of Carl's head, and the other just on Carl's back. He kissed Carl with vigor, but only let out an occasional gruff, satisfied sound to show his approval.

They kissed deep; only mere moments passing before it escalated into tongue usage, the two running their hands over anywhere they could reach.

They needed a surface. Walking together and still kissing, Monogram and Carl fumbled around for one of the back walls, where many counters were openly available for a body to lie on.

Bumping up against one, they halted.

Monogram moved his hands to Carl's collar, and began unbuttoning the shirt that blocked the skin beneath. As the cloth fell away, Monogram followed it with his lips, his mustache tickling the pale, sensitive chest and stomach it grazed.

"Ooo…uhhh! Uhn…OOOOH…mmm…oh, sir!" groaned Carl, worming heatedly below Monogram as he was leaned back onto the counter.

Monogram ran his hands over every inch of the torso he ravished to increase Carl's pleasure. Hands, lips and mustache worked in unison to make the young intern squirm; and squirm he did.

"Unh…mmh…AAAauuuh!" cried Carl. He panted and turned a brilliant blushing red.

Monogram raised his head, a self-satisfied smile on his face. Eyes sliding to the definite bulge present in Carl's pants, he also moved his left hand up to tease one of Carl's nipples, while the right hand moved down to massage the bulge.

"Gaa-aa-hah!" burst Carl, throwing his head back and arching slightly off the counter. Eyes shut tight, he moaned and heaved as Monogram touched him through the cloth.

And then, without warning, Monogram's hand slipped _inside_ Carl's waistband. This made Carl call out very loudly. Monogram finally started to breathe a little heavy, watching this. The slightest flush showed on his face, and his heavy jacket became somewhat stifling. In fact, Monogram opted for a little ventilation.

As he moved the hand in Carl's pants to his own collar, Carl started to protest questioningly, but was quickly silenced as Monogram's other hand slipped behind his head and sat Carl up, Monogram moving in to kiss him as his free hand slid down his chest, opening his jacket.

Carl groaned appreciatively at the exposed, perfectly chiseled chest, and moved to rub his hands over it for a spell before slipping them around to Monogram's back in a tight embrace. He practically fused himself to Monogram's body. Not one inch of space was present between their chests or lips.

Carl continuously mewled and moaned into Monogram's mouth as he rubbed and ground himself against his boss. Their nipples clashed, sending sparks through both of them. Carl could feel a sizeable bulge now forming prominently against his.

Monogram slid the hand not on Carl's head down to his rear and pulled, angling Carl's hips better and eliciting a kinky 'Mmm!' from said teenager. Monogram drew several more of these noises from him by sinking his finger into the cloth and playing between Carl's cheeks.

Carl wrapped his legs around Monogram's waist, trying to press them even closer together. His doing this caused him to lift from the counter and hang on Monogram's front.

Supporting Carl this way was too heavy for Monogram, so he bent over to lay Carl on his back instead. Carl happily clung to Monogram in this position, too.

Pulling his head back so he could speak, Carl gasped, "Are you ready, sir?"

"Dang it, Carl, I told you when I was ready I'd tell you..!" Monogram huffed. He paused. "Uh…I'm ready." he then blushed, embarrassed by his pointless outburst.

Carl gave a small chuckle, finding Monogram very cute. Simultaneously, he too blushed as Monogram went to unclasp and unzip his pants. Carl lay back, his cheeks pink and his eyes closed, in anticipation of what he knew was coming.

On cue, Monogram pulled Carl's pants down, ducking to take Carl into his mouth, his hand coming up to take what his mouth couldn't reach, while his other hand undid his own pants, letting them drop to the floor.

"Mmmmmmm-UUUUuuhhh..!" went Carl, wriggling minutely, trying to keep control as his nerves exploded. His hands lay limply on his boss' head as Carl focused on what Monogram was doing. He was relaxed, his eyes closed and his mouth open as Monogram repeated his sucking motion over and over again. Monogram's free hand went to himself, pumping in rhythm with his mouth, and Carl's satisfied moans.

Carl's eyes opened, and he looked disappointedly at Monogram's fisted hand.

"Oh. You're doing that yourself?" he pouted.

Monogram looked flatly at the puppy look he was being given, sighed, rolling his eyes, and then straightened, offering himself to Carl by gesturing with both hands. Carl clapped gleefully and rolled over onto his stomach, turning so he could access his prize.

"Honestly, Carl, you can be such a child sometimes…mhmn!" He bit his lip in restraint as Carl gripped his shaft, lightly pressing his lips to the tip.

"Yeah, well you're a grumpy old fuddy-duddy." returned Carl before engulfing Monogram's tip entirely, teasing away with his lips and fingers.

"Point…nnh! Taken…" Monogram grunted, going a bit cross-eyed from the expertly delivered sensations sent tingling over his body. Carl was quite eager in his actions. His more zealous, faster motions left Monogram struggling to keep his composure.

"Gya-aah!" exclaimed Monogram, failing at keeping said composure when Carl unexpectedly seized Monogram's rear cheeks and pulled Monogram all the way into his mouth.

"Hmmm…" hummed Carl contentedly, sending more vibrations of ecstasy Monogram's way. He kept Monogram pulled into his throat, but sucked hard anyway, and ran his tongue over the underside of Monogram's shaft, both hands still kneading at Monogram's backside. He hummed again.

"C-Carl…um, Carl, I…oo-oo…uh, eeee…I…uh, Carl…" fidgeted Monogram, sweating. He found it difficult to communicate. His hands restlessly moved themselves, hopping from Carl's head to shoulders and back again as he tried to convey his message.

Carl smiled. He knew what Monogram was saying. Carl had successfully managed to get Monogram as aroused as all get-out. He slipped Monogram out of his mouth.

"Ready for stage two, sir?" he asked coyly, an eyebrow arching suggestively.

Monogram breathed heavy, a dark blush finally present on his cheeks.

"_Ho_ yeah…" he answered lustfully.

"Oo, grr." Carl growled heatedly, clawing the air a little. The intern rolled himself back over onto his back, again turning so that the right end faced Monogram. Propping himself up on his elbows, Carl spread his legs, kicking his pants all the way off as he did so. He then let Monogram make the next move.

Monogram leaned over Carl, one hand massaging the back of Carl's neck as he kissed him, and the other massaging Carl's nether regions as he ground himself against Carl's hole in preparation to penetrate. Carl positively wriggled in anticipation.

And then, after seemingly forever, Monogram gave a mighty heave forward, sinking himself into Carl with a single thrust.

"MMM-HMMMNH!" Carl moaned wildly into Monogram's mouth, his fingers digging into Monogram's shoulders as he constricted tightly below.

"Hmmh!" grunted Monogram in return, loving the feel of Carl's reaction. And then Carl began to restrict and loosen alternately, adjusting quickly to his intruder, which Monogram loved even more. The hand he had downward massaged harder to show this, and Carl whined meltedly in response, his brow furrowing hotly.

He pulled his face back from Monogram's and panted for a moment, his cheeks blooming red, before gasping out, "Uhh…I-I'm ready. Go sir, go!" His expression was all arousal and pleading.

Monogram tried to ignore the feelings the expression stirred, lest he burst right then. Looking up, Monogram gave a small, experimental thrust. Carl let out a loud, pleasured noise and curled into Monogram's shoulder. He curled tighter as Monogram thrust more, testing his give. The motion didn't take long to become fluid, and Monogram paused after establishing the friction to grab Carl's shoulders and force him down and back onto the counter.

Carl gasped heatedly at the slightly rough shove, and after he'd hit the counter he let out a pleased sigh, closing his eyes for what he knew was coming.

Indeed, on cue, Monogram started to thrust into Carl much harder, and at a much faster pace, the heels of his hands kneading into the intern's shoulders.

Carl stayed as relaxed as he could, letting a groan escape him with every thrust, eager to let his boss ravish him. Monogram watched Carl loll his head side-to-side, unbelievably turned on by the moaning, sweating teenager beneath him. Carl lifted his knees and rested his heels on the edge of the counter, spreading his legs wider and allowing for a smoother ride.

Monogram grunted in short, heated bursts as he thrust, thrust, _thrust_ into his young intern with gratitude.

Thrust, thrust, thrust.

Thrust, thrust, thrust.

_Thrust, thrust, thrust!_

"Mmm, oh, sir!" burst Carl as a particularly sweet spot was hit. His fingers curled into fists as he wriggled to show it. He gasped as Monogram drove to hit that spot repeatedly, and then gasped again before heaving wildly, as one of Monogram's hands left Carl's shoulder to resume the pleasuring below that it had left earlier.

"Uh-uhn! I-It's getting close, Carl..!" Monogram choked out between breaths.

"I-I know, sir. Me too!" Carl strained to reply. One of his hands moved to grasp the sleeve of the arm Monogram still had on his shoulder, while the other fingers curled themselves hard against the countertop.

The speed picked up. Just a few more thrusts, a few more gasps, a few more…a few more..!

"GH-AAaaa..!" cried Carl.

"Guh-NNNnnhh..!" exclaimed Monogram. He pulled out, and the two gulped air, basking in the afterglow for a few moments.

"Ohh, I needed that…" both of them sighed. "Jinx!" they both then called before laughing, Carl sitting up and them both putting a hand on each other's shoulder.

Wiping away a tear of laughter, Carl then said, "Say, Major Monogram, sir? Did you hear a weird beep a while back? I thought I did…"

"A weird beep?" Monogram questioned, thinking back, "No, I can't say that I did…ah, well, it's probably not important…hey, let's go bowling..!"

"Bowling? Yay..!" clapped Carl, and he followed Monogram toward the wash area, pausing only to pick up his discarded pants along the way.

…

Earlier, inside Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated:

Doofenshmirtz was being backed into a corner, kicked by an advancing Agent P. As Doofenshmirtz was boxed into a corner of electronic panels, he caught sight of one of the many ones with screens on it. His expression became surprised and pensive.

"Hey-hey, hang on a minute, Perry the Platypus, I just thought of something totally random…" he said, giving Perry 'stop' motions with his hands. Perry paused and gave Doofenshmirtz a quizzical look.

Doofenshmirtz elaborated. "Well like, have you ever wondered what Major Monogram and that intern of his _do_ while you're away thwarting me? I mean they-they just kind of, _give_ you your information and then we don't see them again until next time, right? So what the heck do they _do_ all day?"

Perry considered this, and then relaxed his fighting stance and moved next to Doofenshmirtz at the blank screen curiously.

"Yeah, see, I thought you might be curious too, that's why I stopped." smiled Doofenshmirtz, and he moved to turn the monitor on and get a camera feed from HQ.

…Beep. The picture came through.

Instantly, Doofenshmirtz and Perry's mouths dropped open in extreme shock.

They watched, paralyzed, for a good long moment before Doofenshmirtz managed to find himself and push the off button.

There was another lengthy moment.

"Well," Doofenshmirtz said at last, "_I'm_ going to try and forget I ever saw that…Uh, look I'm sorry Perry the Platypus, but I think that kind of just ruined the mood…" He looked quite disturbed, drumming his fingers together, and Perry quite visibly agreed.

"Yyyyeah…So, pick this up tomorrow, then..?" asked Doofenshmirtz. Perry nodded weakly, and the two shook hands before turning and walking away awkwardly in opposite directions.

"Ugh, and I am _so_ burning my hard drive…seriously!" shuddered Doofenshmirtz as he exited.

...

**A/N: If anyone can please tell me what the heck's wrong with this story (meaning the actual writing), do tell. I refrained forever from posting because it feels off, but then I figured if anyone could help, it'd be the readers.**


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